Becuase Everything Else Sucks

America Gets Ready for its Next Monarch

By Manila Ryce
Published Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006, 3:36 pm
Filed under: US Politics

Eager to elect yet another conservative into the presidency, the US is gearing up for Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign. The former first lady has collected 33 million for her reelection race for senator of New York, but it is suspected that 10 million of that will be saved for her White House run. She has already assembled a small team of full-time staffers and political consultants. Hillary’s most valuable asset in her upcoming campaign will, of course, be Bill Clinton. Mr. Clinton is currently “talking to a lot of people” about his wife’s presidential prospects. And though Hillary is currently polled as a favorable candidate by 53 percent of Americans, above Gore, Kerry, and Edwards, she still trails behind Republican contender John McCain by two percentage points.

Struggling to keep the Democratic Party from falling into the hands of actual liberals, Hillary is pushing for a more “centrist” stance, which focuses on energy policy, the economy, and privacy. I suppose that an agenda focusing on ending wars, corruption, and poverty is too radical for true democrats to get behind. Excuse me for being cynical, but I’m a bit fed up with “centrists” who have the same philosophy as “moderate progressives” and “compassionate conservatives”. But I suppose the more oxymoronic and ambiguous your platform is, the more votes you’re able to sell.
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One Response to “America Gets Ready for its Next Monarch”

  1. Oh GOD!!! Not this Lizzard! I hear she eats children. I mean seriously. She places them on an alter and then scares the shit out of them before she gets ready to kill them so the adrenaline is pumping nice and hot… then she drinks their blood and kills them. No joke.

    They have breeders for these things.

    Bohemian Grove.

    Look it up.

    Here’s to the revolution.

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