Call off the hunt for bin laden. We’ve finally got our man and it’s… Ron Jeremy? Actually, the detainee to the left is Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, and he claims to be the “mastermind” behind just about everything. And to think, it only took a few years of torture to get that confession out of him. In October of 2004, Human Rights Watch reported that Mohammed was sent to a secret prison in Jordan where he was likely being tortured under the direction of the CIA. Imagine all the good that could come of torturing even more people! There’s nothing more credible than the statement of a tortured man.

Oh, and another interesting fact is that his confession was translated from Arabic by the Defense Department and “sensitive intelligence material” was removed before it was released.

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the suspected mastermind of the Sept. 11 attacks, confessed to that attack and a string of others during a military hearing at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, according to a transcript released Wednesday by the Pentagon.

“I was responsible for the 9/11 operation from A to Z,” Mohammed said in a statement that was read during the session, which was held last Saturday.

Mohammed claimed responsibility for planning, financing, and training others for bombings ranging from the 1993 attack at the World Trade Center to the attempt by would-be shoe bomber Richard Reid to blow up a trans-Atlantic flight with explosives hidden in his shoes.

In all, Mohammed said he was responsible for planning 28 individual attacks, including many that were never executed. The comments were included in a 26-page transcript released by the Pentagon, which blacked out some of his remarks.

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