Becuase Everything Else Sucks

The Daily Connect: 04/19/07

By Manila Ryce
Published Thursday, April 19th, 2007, 7:34 am
Filed under: The Daily Connect, Personal Posts

  • Egypt and Jordan have been appointed as a contact group that will normalize relations between Israel and Arab nations. Using the group as a middle man, it’s hoped that countries without a relationship to Israel will be able to attend meetings and express their concerns to the Jewish state, mainly regarding the plight of the Palestinians. The Arab initiative calls for Israel to withdraw from the lands it’s been illegally occupying since 1967. Israel refuses to do so. Yup, I can already see that this new angle is going to be very productive.
  • Four cloned cows have been genetically modified in Argentina to produce the human hormone insulin in their milk. The milk would then be purified and refined to extract the hormone. This technique is expected to cut the cost of producing insulin by 30 percent. Cows are the pharmacies of the future, and will supply us with all our medical drug needs. Imagine getting a brain-freeze from a milkshake, relieving that headache with a different milkshake, then realizing you’re lactose intolerant and taking a third milkshake to cure that too. Then I assume you’d puke all over the place from drinking three milkshakes so fast.
  • Egyptian anchorwomen have been fighting since 2002 to wear the hijab, a veil which covers the neck and hair but not the face, while working. Their employers have refused to allow the request, and have excluded them from nationalized TV programs. Over 30 anchorwomen have quit their jobs in the past 4 years because of the anti-veil policy. Human rights groups are supporting the anchorwomen and their right to wear the veil. I personally think the hijab would be a nice accessory for our own anchorwomen to compliment the toupees of their male counterparts.
  • If you don’t know what Croc slippers are then you’re fortunate. New evidence has confirmed our worst suspicions that Crocs are not only ugly, but evil as well. Swedish health officials at the Blekinge Hospital in Karlkrona have banned staff from wearing Crocs slippers after it was discovered they can produce enough static electricity to interfere with medical equipment. The footwear can charge a maximum of 25,000 volts, and was the culprit of two respiratory machines turning off for no apparent reason. Wow, I never wanted a pair until now.
  • 32 workers in a steel factory in China were killed when a ladle holding 25 metric tons of molten steel sheared off a railing and spilled through a dorm where workers were changing shift. The deceased are so unrecognizable that DNA testing will be required to identify them. “I was bending down to get some tools when I heard screaming. The ladle was falling. [It] fell on to the ground and then spilled onto my body and burnt clothes. I just ran. When the steel hit, it felt like being beaten by iron bars…” a survivor said.
  • Russia is training seals to defend fleets of nuclear submarines. During the cold war, the US used dolphins to patrol secret bases and destroy enemy ships. The Soviet Union always had dolphin-envy, but now Russia has a marine mammal program of its own. In response to this news, President Bush has demanded that all seals and sea lions that look like seals be rounded up and placed in internment camps. A wall is also being proposed along the borders that America shares with its aquatic neighbors.

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2 Responses to “The Daily Connect: 04/19/07”

  1. Seals v. Dolphins. I sense a movie here.

    Ron
    04/19/07 at 9:03 am

  2. I didn’t know insulin producing bacteria were so expensive! I guess genetically modifying a single celled organisim is Way more complicated than simply Cloning an entire MultiCelled organism, then pulling the milk out of it, and then pulling the insulin out of the milk. Will they at least recycle the milk?

    PapaFigue
    04/19/07 at 9:30 am

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