Becuase Everything Else Sucks

The Daily Connect: 05/04/07

By Manila Ryce
Published Friday, May 4th, 2007, 8:12 am
Filed under: The Daily Connect

  • Iraqi officials want direct talks between the US and Iran. You know it’s bad when a country ravaged by sectarian civil war is acting as moderator to tell us to end our feud with Iran. Ryan Crocker, the US ambassador to Iraq, gets the Person I Want to Kick in the Nads Award for this quote: “The point from our side is not to have meetings with the Iranians. It is what can we do in Iraq and what can we do in the region to create better circumstances and a better future for the Iraqis.” Um, how about listening to Petraeus who said diplomacy is 80 percent of winning the war? You can’t go forward until you engage with Iraq’s neighbors. Then again, stabilizing Iraq is not as profitable as creating another war with Iran. Nads, meet foot.
  • Trials have shown that maggots, placed in the foot ulcers of diabetic patients, can be used to speed treatment of MRSA from 28 to 3 weeks. A separate study has also found that putting bees in your underwear will increase your penis size. That last one is absolutely true guys. Now go try it. Why would I lie about that?
  • Speaking of which, there may soon be no more honeybees to shove down your pants. As reported before, a massive die-off is threatening food supplies as one-quarter of America’s beekeeper colonies have been lost. Studies point to some kind of disease or parasite as the cause of colony collapse, as honeybees don’t have the normal complement of genes needed to fight disease or keep toxins out of their system. Around one-third of our diet could be lost if bees disappear. That means we’ll be living off of a whole hell of a lot of bread, water, and soylent green.
  • According to Time Magazine’s list of 100 people who shape the world, Borat is more influential than President Bush. I think the people of Iraq might have a different opinion. In fact, the worst president ever isn’t even on the list. Geez, how many wars do you have to start to get some attention around here?
  • The US Justice Department proposed changes to the law which currently allow suspected terrorists to purchase guns if they pass the standard background checks. The Attorney General could veto firearm sales to anyone who has “engaged in conduct constituting, in preparation for, in aid of, or related to terrorism.” I can only imagine that this list will be as error-free as the no-fly list has been.
  • At the end of today’s connect, I’d like to leave you with an utterly depressing story. Arctic ice is actually melting a lot faster than we thought. Old climate change models simulate a loss of around 2.5% of ice per decade, while new data indicates that the loss is actually closer to 7.8% per decade. In short, we’re 30 years ahead of climate model projections! Lead researcher Julienne Stroeve says summer Arctic sea ice may disappear much sooner than traditional expectations indicate. Well, at least we’re ahead of schedule. Armageddon is bad enough, but arriving late would just be embarrassing.

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