Despite what Traitor Joe and Mr. Straight-Talk Express might say, the outlook of soldiers serving in Iraq is not so sunny. Perhaps it’s because they’ve served so many tours, or perhaps it’s because they’re simply not as stupid or deceitful as the aforementioned politicians.

A new form of treatment for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is proving to be successful for not only war veterans, but for the animals themselves. I hope there are enough abused birds to go around, since 25 percent of vets have been shown to have mental health problems. Kids, if you have a pet parrot, start beating the hell out of it. It just may save the life of a returning soldier.