Avast me hearties. Today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day an ye ol’ Cap’n Dyke be hostin’ an adventurous tale. Will Muffin th’Cross-Dressin’ Bear o’Mystery sail safely with a noggin o’Rum, or will ye matey be meetin’ up with Davey Jones? Ye oracle below warns ye’ scurvy seafarers to keep ye loof or be meetin’ ye ends off th’horizon, but ye cap’n ain’t been savy to th’cut o’ this wenche’s jib.

Yar mateys. B’ware o’ drinkin’ saltwater, or ye be thinkin’ th’globe be as flat as ye navigation map.