Becuase Everything Else Sucks

The Daily Connect: 04/10/08

By Manila Ryce
Published Thursday, April 10th, 2008, 4:11 am
Filed under: The Daily Connect

  • The Chinese guards escorting the Olympic flame on its tour have been revealed to be elite members of the People’s Armed Police. PAP is a 660,000-strong internal paramilitary force which is still deployed to crush dissent in Tibet, and is now doing the same in countries hosting the torch. Perhaps we can use this precedent to get Mossad to police our next pro-Palestinian protest.
  • Results from a study utilizing computer modeling have predicted that regional nuclear exchanges could decimate the ozone layer as an unwanted side effect. In a related study, researchers discovered that inhaling large amounts of anthrax could result in a sore throat as an unwanted side effect.
  • Researchers have developed a candy called CaviStat that helps fight tooth decay by mimicking a component in saliva which neutralizes acids in the mouth. To compete, Colgate is developing a new toothpaste which causes your teeth to fall out. Yes, it’s made in China.
  • Five poll officials have been arrested for fraud and criminal abuse of duty in Zimbabwe for allegedly undercounting votes for President Mugabe. The Mugabe government refuses to release the results of the election because that’s what you do when you win.
  • Flagler Productions, a video production company that recorded Wal-Mart’s corporate meetings over three decades, is now putting their videos up for sale after Wal-Mart abruptly ended their agreement. Featured on the videos is everything from union-bashing to cross-dressing. Wal-Mart says it doesn’t think there will be much interest in the videos. Now that’s some wishful thinking. Hillary served on their board of directors for six years. You better believe these videos will be of interest in an election year. I hear the scenes of Bosnian sniper fire are amazing.

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