Becuase Everything Else Sucks

The Daily Connect: 05/23/08

By Manila Ryce
Published Friday, May 23rd, 2008, 3:03 am
Filed under: The Daily Connect

  • Karl Rove has been subpoenaed to testify to Congress about whether the White House had improper influence over the Justice Department. Bush has used executive privilege to block Congressional requests to interview his aides, so Rove is unlikely to comply with the subpoena. To counter this flagrant disregard for the law, Congress has decided to fight fire with fire by flagrantly disregard public opinion and NOT impeaching the president. Take that America!
  • Daniel Burd, an 11th grade student in Canada, has discovered the strain of bacteria most effective in breaking down plastics through experimentation. In a very high bacterial concentration, at 37 degrees, with a bit of sodium acetate thrown in, Burds achieved 43% degradation of a plastic within six weeks. Cosmetically-altered women of the world are quarantining themselves in fear that if the bacteria is released into the wild they may slowly melt like the Wicked Witch of the West.
  • Iraq has now become one of the largest purchasers of arms from the United States with some $3 billion worth of equipment ordered in the past year. Oh, you thought this was just about oil? Allow us to establish more US businesses in the name of spreading freedom, and they’ll be the largest purchasers of malt liquor soon too.
  • Chinese policewoman Jiang Xiaojuan, has taken the position of wet nurse for infants who had lost their mothers following the 7.9 magnitude earthquake in China. Officer Jiang says “It is a mother’s reaction, and a basic duty as a police officer to help.” At one point, Jiang was feeding 9 babies. She’s been proclaimed by a local newspaper as “China’s Mother No. 1”, and I’m not even phrase inventing that for funny laughter response.
  • Ellen DeGeneres nails John McCain, and not in the legal way in which only a man and woman are allowed to nail each other.

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