“Bitte - nicht so schnell!” is German for “Please - not so fast!”

Residents of Fucking, Austria (pronounced “foo-king”) are fed up with having their village’s signs continually stolen by British tourists. “We will not stand for the Fucking signs being removed,” said police chief Kommandant Schmidtberger. “It may be very amusing for you British, but Fucking is simply Fucking to us. What is this big Fucking joke? It is puerile.” In an attempt to curb the thefts, the authorities have begun setting the signs in concrete.

Andreas Behmueller, a local tour guide, was also perplexed by this fixation the British have with Fucking. “The Germans all want to see the Mozart house in Salzburg, every American seems to care only about ‘The Sound of Music,’ the occasional Japanese wants to see Hilter’s birthplace in Braunau,” he explained. “But for the British, it’s all about Fucking.” Guesthouse manager Augustina Lindelbauer also seems to have a Fucking problem. “Just this morning I had to tell an English lady that there were no Fucking postcards.”

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