“Remember to do the hand explosion after the fist bump… you know, like the ones you see every day in Iraq.”

“I’m beating you bitch!”

“Actually, I changed my mind. Let’s move it back over to the right.”

“It’s an honor to be here at the Summit of the Americas, but we should really start talking policy after this soccer game is over. By the way, how many free kicks do you guys get before it’s our turn?”

Michelle went back on her promise not to embarrass Barack as she wrapped her arms around her torso and pretended to make out with herself.

“No, I understand what it’s used for. I just don’t think it’s appropriate to have a gloryhole on Air Force One”

“This Wii is awesome. Tell the girls I’m in a meeting.”

“Well I just don’t think all those puns were necessary. I mean, “have an ice day”? Seriously Arnold, I know English isn’t your first language but goddamn.”

“Fuck!”

“…and that’s how you tie a tie.”

“Holy shit Rahm. I don’t want to alarm you, but you’re missing part of a finger.”

“Oh I’m sorry, I think you got my order confused with the Joe the Plumber. Yeah, I’m the fucking President of the United States. I nuke countries, not food.”

“Having my hand over my heart feels so unnatural. Are you sure it wouldn’t be better if I put down a prayer rug and prostrated on the floor instead? Nah, I’m just fucking with you guys.”

“Boy am I glad you all have hands.”

“If my image is imprinted on this cloth I don’t want you selling it on Ebay.”